Warning: Rated R for Real.

So of course I made it rhyme.

Spilling out my beliefs is a deep process, and one that I think requires plain straightforwardness. I believe pain’s a gift, and good and evil are at war. I believe life calls for leaving selfishness at the door.  I believe in honesty in all situations, and food should always taste good, never outdated. I believe that whenever I manage to succeed, I need to be humble and not all about me. These are many of my firmly held beliefs, and though they may seem random, I promise you’ll see that they’re really all summed up in my very core conviction: that Jesus is my life’s purpose and vision. 

Read More

This must be jealousy. It is eating at me. My own jealousy reveals my own faults. It reveals that my heart lies in places that are not God and shines a spotlight on my insecurities. How filthy I am. How far I have to go. How badly I need You! Thank you for the humbling. Now, please, take it away. I can’t stand it. Just let me be happy for them.

…I’m sorry for the way I’ve thought down upon you. And also… I forgive you. For now, and for whatever happens in the future.

Slept in. No commitments. No friends? Plausible. Made myself the funkiest breakfast omelette by throwing the entire contents of my fridge into the pan. Delicious anyways. Still in PJs. Watched nerdy japanese cartoons on hulu. Ate a banana 23 minutes before my designated snack time. Revisiting prom photos, noticed that bow tie was askew in 60% of photos. Facepalmed. Facebook, look at pictures of friends hiking and tennis-ing and doing fun things in the sun. Laugh. Decide I am actually going out today to watch my friends perform music. Remember that I’ve wanted to learn to make a good roasted chicken since December! Going out to buy chicken thighs and make my dream come true. Farewell

That was really, really, great. Especially the part where people found God. That was great.

Prom was like unreal and stuff. Glad it went well - actually, it went aweesomee. So I went with a girl I didn’t know too well, we were just classmates before, but the whole night we connected real well, like not just through talking but also through the stuff we did together. I can’t explain it very well.. but it was great because we’re such different people in terms of how and what we think about, but we were able to connect on things like music and dry humor and just wanting to have fun with each other. Plus, we did it all without resorting to romantic connotations. Just two people connecting as pals and sharing the moment. Hahah while most of our group went to sleep, we stayed up and pulled our first ever all nighters together. I hit 27 hours, she hit 24. It was great. She was always the kind of girl I thought I’d never be able to hold a conversation with, the kind I would bore out of their mind, but there we were at 9 something in the morning, talking and sharing a Costco muffin for breakfast while everyone else in the house was asleep. I’m sad it had to end. But I’m proud that God was able to keep my perspective on the night fresh and clean, that He kept my goal from being me putting my arm around her at the end of the night and made it me just giving her some good memories.

Drumming with the band and beatboxing on the flute solo for the talent show yesterday, drumming in front of the whole school for both lunches today, and prom tomorrow. Wheww. My right hand is cramping as I type this, and so is my bass drum leg. This shall not stop me. I shall dance. Yes. Until I collapse on the dance floor clutching my leg, and even then I shall squirm to the beat

Matt Kumasaka took an hour and taught me the very basics of drumming during free time at JEMS warmbeach camp.

In those two years, I’ve hopped on the half-broken CBC drumset after youth group whenever I got the chance. 15 minutes of messing around here, 10 minutes of hitting loud things there.

Two years later, I’m playing drums in a band at a talent show on Thursday, and in front of the school during lunch on Friday.

So cray how stuff snowballs from nothing into something.

This tumblr must sound like a broken record, and I would say I’m sorry, but how can’t I proclaim it over and over? God’s bloody good. I write here when my thoughts overflow my brain, and God’s awesomeness is what makes it overflow the most. He is good. He turns every bad moment into good. All I have to do is trust him, and we really can change the world. Not me. Me and Him. I know I’m not good enough, so I’ll trust Him to be. I’m so excited. Soo excited to go on with life. He gives me hope.

I talked to Travis of New Heights and Tim of Tim Be Told today! I told Travis we were doing Peaches for Night of Hope and he got super excited. And it’s cool cuz I went to a free singing workshop where he taught, and we talked about that. Then I told Tim that we were doing Lament for Night of Hope and talked about how it inspired me and he seemed really happy and humbled by it. Awesome night overall. They are all such great people and don’t care about fame or fortune at all; they give their lives to God at every show they play and seek his fame first. I should take notes.